Frustration

I thought I was doing the right thing and following what Jess was telling me to do, changing several things including drinking hot water through the day. And of course the hot lemon water which is quite refreshing.

But of course everything doesn’t go to plan when you think it is… I’ve been following the plan every week, and even when I go out I have been watching everything I eat and drink. I have found it hard to lose the weight. Sure I’ve been losing centimetres around from my bust, hips and waist and yet, losing the kilos had stopped until this week.

So I was surprised when I went to the doctors after having some blood tests done to find that I was almost 6 kilos heavier rather than less and he told me I should cut down the calories. I’m not sure where I can cut down my intake because I am eating the fruit and vegetables that are required each day, my protein intake has reduced (and I was never a big eater) and I hardly eat bread, and yet I enjoy my cereal.

His thoughts were I should try meal replacement – which was my biggest meal of the day? That is a hard question to answer because I have learnt to graze because I still have the lapband in place.

Yesterday my doctor really believed that I sit and eat and eat and eat all day. I wish… I’ve never been able to do that, and I certainly don’t eat big meals because if I do, then I throw up because of my band. You can imagine my surprise when he told me it was time to start a diet. What the hell have I been doing all this time?

I walked out of his surgery feeling like I had failed because I have trouble managing my weight and yet I try every day to ensure I follow the new plan that I’m on. Short of starving myself which caused so many problems before, I’m at a loss as to what my doctor expects.

I had my thyroid checked early December 2006 and now we’re at the end of February 2007 and he wants me to wait 2 more months before I am to have my thyroid checked again. I can’t wait that long. I know there is something not quite right, but then what would I know.

I’m in the process of making an appointment to see my specialist again and I will go from there.

Unfortunately I cannot bring myself to use meal replacements especially when I used them before my thyroid problem was diagnosed and I ended up in hospital for 4 days. I’d dehydrated and couldn’t keep anything down. His response to that was, I should have drank more water…..

I’ve had my vent for the day… and I will continue to work towards losing weight no matter how hard it is.